Hi. I’m Laura. I’m 24. And I’m on antidepressants.
I want to document this. I want to look back and remember the time when I felt so low and so alone that I cried to a doctor until he gave me drugs.
The problem is, they’re not all bad days. Some days are okay, some days are good. But most days are bleak, and I’m not seeing how it gets better.
Doctor Dan was very nice and supportive and didn’t make me feel stupid, which was my main issue with booking an appointment before. He has given me two weeks of a nice little tablet called Citalopram, after which I have to go back and convince him I haven’t done anything serious during that time as supposedly this tablet makes things worse before they get better. He’ll then give me a longer supply of tablets, and things should start to get better in the next couple of weeks after that.
Of course, this isn’t a fix. A doctor friend of mine describes it as learning to swim: the antidepressants are like armbands – they help you to stay afloat but don’t really solve the problem. The counselling and the talking and the changing, that’s what helps you to learn to swim.
I’m hoping that talking about it on here will help. I want to be able to look back and see changes in my mood, in my outlook on life. I want to see that I’ve improved.
So, today. I feel a little optimistic. I’m on day 3 of the tablets, and after a bit of a rough morning, I’m feeling a lot better. I have been experiencing some nausea, which I’m told is quite common, and I felt quite anxious when I first woke up. The past few days have been up and down. I suppose most people have that, but when the bad outweighs the good, that’s when you need to worry.
I’ve also downloaded an app called Headspace, which is all about meditation and clearing your mind. I’ve been trying to do it every morning as it only takes a few minutes and can be a good way to start the day in a calming manner. So far I’m enjoying it, but I don’t know how helpful it is.
So, that’s where I’m at currently. I’m hoping this is the start of a positive change, but it’s a slow process. I’ll keep you posted.